


Makoto, Rin, and the Promise

by patriciaselina



Category: Free!
Genre: Bromance, Cardcaptor Sakura - Freeform, Compare and Contrast, Elementary School, Epilogue, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Crack, Gen, High Speed!, How the hell do I tag this, Hugs, I just don't know, M/M, Mutual Pining, Mutually Unrequited, Napping, POV Alternating, POV First Person, POV Male Character, Shipping, Time Skips, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, but it's a thursday when I started this does that count, does this count as throwback thursday???, pop culture references, sigh, wth self it's not even a thursday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-04
Updated: 2014-04-08
Packaged: 2018-01-18 04:16:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1414777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patriciaselina/pseuds/patriciaselina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Makoto Tachibana is twelve years old, a big brother, first time backstroke swimmer, and sometimes when Rin smiles at him his knees give out and he finds it very hard to speak. Rin Matsuoka is nearly twelve years old, a big brother, one of the best swimmers in the prefecture, and when Makoto ruffles his hair his cheeks go warm and his heart beats like crazy. Now, what does this all have to do with a bunch of magical girl anime DVDs?</p><p>(UPDATE 4/9: Chapter 4/Present-day epilogue, "Rin's Most Important Person"!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Makoto, Rin, and the Promise

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to say thanks to [brewcha](http://archiveofourown.org/users/brewcha) (Brew-senpai!!!) and [unsospiro](http://archiveofourown.org/users/unsospiro) (sabastruck - what should I call you, I wanna call you something?) for being such sweethearts the whole time I was writing this.
> 
>  
> 
> [This fic has an FST!!](http://patriciaselina.tumblr.com/post/82118320422/fst-for-the-fic-makoto-rin-and-the-promise)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 真琴と凛と約束

“Makoto, can you c’mere for a sec?”

“Sure, Rin, what is it?” I say, turning away from Haru to face our other friend.

Haru, who had been sulking about his _bentou_ not having mackerel in it for the last ten minutes, doesn’t seem to mind this, but he does make this little annoyed grunt at the loss of my attention.

Seriously, under that cool personality Haru’s really just an overgrown kindergartener. _I_ should know, I live with a couple of _actual_ kindergarteners...

“A-ah, well, you see.” Rin starts, clasping his hands behind his back and shifting his weight side-to-side on the balls of his feet. If he were anyone else _but_ Rin I’d think he was embarrassed, only...well, this is _Rin_ we’re talking about. The day Rin gets embarrassed is probably the day Nagisa stops calling people by cutesy nicknames. “Look, I know you two are joined at the hip an’ all, but is there seriously no way we can talk _without_ Haru listening in?”

“If you’re going to confess to Makoto you better give me double the normal amount of dowry,” Haru says in perfect monotone and I can’t help but flush red and shift my gaze, as Rin bristles.

Seriously, ever since we got into this whole medley relay business Haru somehow decided that teasing Rin over the silliest of things is a perfectly good way to spend time. First the “ _RinRin_ ” fiasco, and now this...

“Wha- I- wahahaha, Haru, stop kidding around, _seriously_!” Rin says, laughing as awkwardly as I feel. The red tinting his cheeks looks rather good on him, if you’d ask me. But I _really_ wish you didn’t. “Me confessing to Makoto, haha, now isn’t _that_ a silly idea.”

Haru raises an eyebrow, but thoughtfully decides not to say anything more. It’s a good thing he doesn’t ‘cuz when Rin said that him confessing to me would be ‘silly’, something inside of me clenched rather painfully and if Haru ever said anything about that I’m pretty sure I’d just go into the water and never come out of it, yeah.

“So, we gotta talk about...stuff. Makoto, c’mere. Haru, _shoo_.” Rin says, reaching for my arm and shooing Haru away with a hand gesture that makes him look all of five years old.

Haru rolls his eyes and mutters something that might’ve been “ _Boring_ ” under his breath as he walks off without so much as a goodbye. I sigh. We’re gonna be having mackerel curry for dinner  - maybe I’ll bring some over to Haru’s place later, ‘cuz I sorta-kinda feel like I need to give him some kind of peace offering? Why do I feel that way? Huh.

Anyway, I don’t get to think about that much ‘cuz now I’m all alone with Rin and he’s smiling and oh gosh _wow_ is a handhold supposed to make my whole body feel warm? I find myself really thankful for the fact that Rin can’t read my thoughts like Haru does ‘cuz wow, this is embarrassing, _I’m_ embarrassing, Rin’s a new friend and I shouldn’t get ahead of myself.

“Now that he’s outta the way,” Rin mutters, more to himself than anything, and it comes to my attention that he’s still not letting go of my hand. Stop blushing now, self, Rin’s not blind. “I have something I have to tell you.”

“Wh-what is it, Rin?” I say, and mentally hit myself over the head ‘cuz this is probably not something to be stumbling on my words over and I should probably stop thinking it is.

“Well, you see, it’s about Gou.” Rin says, scratching the nape of his neck like people normally do when they’re embarrassed. “She’s been at me to watch this thing with her for a while now, y’know.”

Ahh, little siblings, now that’s familiar territory. It almost distracts me away from the fact that _Rin_ _is **still** holding my hand_ , only...yeah, it doesn’t. Why is Rin still holding my hand, it’s a good thing there aren’t enough people around the pool to stop and stare, and that Haru and Nagisa are too busy working on looking over a drawing - I wonder what’s that a drawing of? - to mind us.

“Hmm. What thing?” Gou-chan doesn’t seem the type to watch age-inappropriate things (save for, of course, that one anime full of muscley dudes that she had me swear to never ever tell Rin about) so I can’t see why Rin would feel embarrassed about this. And I also can’t see why he’d have to ask for my help...

“Some kinda really lame sappy _shoujo_ thing, I dunno. Hey, Makoto.” Rin says, snapping his head up to look at me, his cheeks still flushed and my hand still in his. “Can you promise me somethin’?”

See, I know that maybe I should find out what this is all about before saying “Yeah, sure?”, but who am I kidding, this is Rin Matsuoka, and it’s a good thing he doesn’t use that look all the time ‘cuz if he could he just might talk me into anything falling short of cold-blooded murder.

Haru says that I should stop spoiling Rin like this, but he also says that watching us cracks him up - maybe not in those exact words, but yeah, the point is that sometimes when I look at Rin my chest feels tight and I have trouble breathing and seeing me do that makes Haru do this little smirk-thing with his lips and say he’ll tell me when I get older.

I still don’t get it.

“If you do come along with me,” Rin almost-mumbles, holding onto my hand like crazy, “You have gotta promise me that not a peep of this gets to Haru. _Not a single peep_.”

“Err...okay?”

“Not a teensy-weensy peep. Not even a _smidgen_ of a peep.” Rin says, frowning. “You gotta swear on it.”

Rin looks at me with those unbelievably sparkling eyes, and I nod, briskly, because, like I said, when it comes to Rin there seems to be no way I’m ever gonna say no to him.

“‘S not enough. Y’gotta swear on it, Makoto.” Rin says, raising his free hand’s pinky finger. Don’t tell me he...actually, wait, he _is_. “What’d you oughta say about this? Swallowing a thousand needles?”

“A thousand needles, yup, _that_ sounds nice.” I mumble, well aware that I sound lame and my hand’s going clammy and oh my _god_ Makoto smile so he doesn’t see anything outta place. “It’s that serious?”

“Yeah. Y’do know how a pinky promise goes, right?” Rin says, the barest hints of red flush peeking out behind his sunshine-bright smile. “C’mon Mako, don’t dilly-dally now.”

“I’m _not_ -” I start, and stop myself ‘cuz I’m a _big brother_ and big brothers aren’t supposed to stoop to such childish comebacks. So instead I sigh, shake my head, and lock my pinky finger with his.

I also try very hard not to think about how he just called me, oh goodness, _Mako_ \- just like Nagisa does, just like how he usually does when it comes to Haru - _!!_

“‘Kay. Y’know how to get to our place, right?” I nod. “Great. I’ll pick you up at the platform at ten o’clock sharp.” Rin says, gravely, and the tight grip of his pinky against mine would be distracting if only Rin hadn’t already been holding my hand for the past _ten minutes_. “Don’t be late, Mako...I _mean_ , Makoto.”

If Rin trips over his feet on his way out, I’ve no idea, but what I do know is that that is what happens to me when Rin bids me goodbye.

I was hoping that Rin didn’t see that, but I can hear him laughing.

Aaaa _aargh_.

* * *

 

“Watching the way you act around Rin gives me the creeps.” Haru says, and it’s a good thing I’ve already set his plate down on the table ‘cuz Haru’s got really nice tableware and I don’t wanna break any of them.

Had Haru been some other person this is the time where I’d ask him what he’s talking about, but this is _Haru_ and I can read everything from the crinkle of his eyes and the small smirk forming at the corner of his lips. “ _No_ , Haru,” I chide, in that voice that Nagisa keeps telling me makes me sound like my mom. “It’s not like that.”

Haru’s mouth is full ‘cuz he already started quick work on his supper, but he raises his eyebrow - _Oh, **really**?_ \- and I groan.

“Ha _ruuuuuu_! It’s really not like that!”

“ _What’s_ not like what?” Haru murmurs, with that annoying twinkle to his eye that tells me he’s being difficult. And _enjoying_ it.

“Urgh, _Haru you are not helping_.” I groan, and because Haru’s parents aren’t around I get to slump over Haru’s table and clutch at my scalp with both hands. In agony. Haru hums quietly beside me, but in Haru-terms that’s roughly equivalent to a half-hour of Nagisa’s chuckling.

“I’m a bit worried about your taste, but then again you do call _me_ a friend, so.” Haru says, shrugging. “I guess I just can’t see the appeal.”

“Don’t put it that way, Haru,” I frown, ‘cuz for all his quietness and introversion Haru’s a really good friend, and one of the proofs of this is that when I told him that I’ve begun feeling as if my heart went on somersaults when Rin grins at me, he didn’t tease me about it. Well. At least, not when other people can hear. “And, ‘sides, like I said, Rin and I really aren’t like that - Don’t laugh at me, Haru, it’s true.”

“‘M not laf’in’,” Haru mumbles around a fish bone.

“You might’ve well had been,” I grunt, crossing my arms and trying to look annoyed, like Haru usually does when I nag him for oversoaking in the bath. It doesn’t work, though, ‘cuz when he nudges my shoulder with his own the act falls away because Haru’s not a touchy-feely person so when he does become one...it means something, of that alone I’m sure of.

“I’m the older one of us both, Makoto, so you have to take my word on this,” Haru says, looking at me with those ocean-blue eyes boring deep into my soul. “You have Feelings for Rin, and if he steps all over them you _have_ to tell me, so I can kick his butt.”

I thin my lips down into a line so no sound would come out, but – come on. This is _Haru_ , saying that he will “ _kick [ **Rin’s**!] butt_ ”. If I’m not gonna laugh at that, then I don’t have any sense of humor, which is impossible ‘cuz I’m the guy who cracks up at Nagisa’s slipshod rockhopper penguin imitation. So I clutch my side, lost in my giggling, as Haru sighs and finishes off the rest of his supper.

“So…Haru.”

“Mm?”

“You’re fine with tomorrow, Haru?” I ask, wiping laughter-tears away from my eyes. “I thought you needed someone to take you to the aquarium…”

“Nagisa is going there tomorrow with his mother, so he suggested I come along. And I will.” Ever since Nagisa became our friend I’ve noticed the soft spot Haru seemed to have had for him, and how he dotes over the youngest member of our relay team in a way that can only be described as ‘Haru-like’. For all his frowns and sharp words, seeing Haru around Nagisa makes me realize that Haru would’ve been an excellent big brother.

“That’s good, then.” I say, smiling softly and proudly at the idea of Haru making friends.

Haru scoffs as he stands up to put his plates in the sink. “Besides. It’s not like I’m going to let your _date_ with Rin get in the way of me and the water –”

“Haru, _no_!” I hiss, my cheeks growing warm again for what seems to be the millionth time today. “It’s really _not_ a date!”

“You’re very _red_ , Makoto.” Haru says, turning around to face me with that really annoying, knowing _“you-can’t-hide-anything-from-me-Makoto”_ smirk of his.

“Shut _up_ , Haru.” I groan, covering both my eyes with my hands.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Rin’s line about Mako not giving Haru even ‘a smidgen of a peep’ is actually almost-word-by-word taken from a line in the first Winnie the Pooh movie, _Many Adventures_ (the ‘60s-‘70s one?), where Rabbit says Tigger is not allowed to bounce – not even a teeny bounce, not even a smidgen of a bounce. Yeah, dropping in Winnie the Pooh references in my fics is a hobby of mine.
> 
> In the only other MakoRin fic I’ve written ( _Papillion_ , written for the IwatobiArtFics collab, gonna be posted sometime very soon), my Rin tends to call Makoto “Mako”. Kinda like how he calls Haruka “Haru”, but sort of not…I dunno why that stuck with me, I just thought that it’d sound nice.
> 
> Haru’s line about kicking Rin’s butt, and Makoto’s laughing response to it, is based on a line in Friends where Ross threatens Chandler, his best friend and bro-in-law-to-be, that if he (Chandler) ever hurts Monica he’ll “ _[hunt you down and kick your ass](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cK2BQqIQc40)_ ”.


	2. Makoto and the Matsuoka Residence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 真琴と松岡の家

The first thing that comes to mind when I see him, waving to me so briskly I fear his arm might fall off, is this: _wow, Rin looks very happy to see me_. The look in his eyes is like Haru looking at a _pool_ , times three.

The second thing, however, is the thing I hear myself saying out loud, and I still dunno if this is a blessing or a curse – “Rin, you have very, ehrm, _colorful_ clothes.”

“Don’t hate on my _style_ , Makoto.” Rin says, doing a little twirl that, frankly, makes him look ridiculous. “They say that kids our age look the best in flashy colors, so I’m making the most of our youth! And ‘sides, when we grow up I’m probably gonna wear boring colors like black an’ gray an’ stuff, so excuse _me_ if I wanna play around a little.”

“I’m not saying anything against them, Rin. They’re just…” Way too _neon_. Dizzying to look at, when you’re twirling around like that. Bringing out the color of your eyes. Wait _what_?? “…like something you would wear.”

“Th-thanks.” I dunno what about that’d make Rin flush red, but he does anyway and I know I shouldn’t think anything about that but Rin’s blushing because of something _I_ said and my heart makes a little victory whoop somewhere inside my chest.

“So, Rin.” I say, as we make the walk to his house. “How’s the thing Gou-chan’s asking for coming along?”

“Ah – I – yeah, well, she’s waiting for us right now.” Rin says, grinning, but his eyes look faraway, like he’s trying to figure out the best way to say something he can’t put into words. “Thanks for comin’ along with me today, Makoto, seriously, I knew you were the only one I could ask.”

“What is it exactly that I’m helping you with, by the way?”

“Well, you see - you won’t tell Haru, right?”

“Of course not. We swore on that already, didn’t we?” I say, and as if on cue, some kind of weird electricity courses through my hand, my right hand, the one we did the pinky promise with, and I try very much to restrain myself ‘cuz whatever this weird electricity is it’s making me want to reach for Rin’s hand and that’d be awkward. For obvious reasons.

I must be really good at restraint, ‘cuz Rin doesn’t seem to notice this at all. “Remember the introduction I did when I transferred into Iwatobi?”

“...Yeah?” _My name is Rin Matsuoka, I’ve got a girly name but I’m definitely a guy!_ That was pretty hard to forget. I nod along, trying to see where he’s going with this.

“Well, let’s just say it doesn’t work for everyone.” Rin harrumphs, as if he was personally offended by this. And considering his next words, maybe he is. “Gou’s not transferring out of Sano, but next year she’s transferring into a new class - she got her grades up, she’s moving from section two to section one, can you believe it?”

“Yeah, well, she’s _your_ sister after all.” I say without second-guessing myself.  Rin flushes a deep pink – what, it’s _true_! If Rin wasn’t so busy single-mindedly pursuing his goal – the medley relay, for some reason or another – I’d bet he’d graduate at the top of all his classes without batting a single eyelash.

“A-anyway. Long story short, those smarty-pants stuck-up squares are making fun of her for her boyish name, and I sorta-kinda promised her a day of her _shoujo_ anime marathons. Why did I do that, again?”

“Because you’re a _fantastic_ big brother,” I say, and Rin puffs out his chest in pride. It makes me chuckle, how silly he can be at the most unexpected of times. “And that’s a foolproof plan, too. When the twins get sad for some reason, their favorite TV shows never fail to cheer ‘em up.”

“Yeah! But, well. When she watches Gou kinda gets into this really weird zone of hers, I don’t really get to talk to her. It’s kinda lonely, to be honest.” Rin says, chuckling a bit. “So, yeah, you were the obvious choice. I mean, Nagisa’d probably make fun of me for even coming up with the idea…and as for Haru…?” He trails off, turning to me. I spend the next few minutes lost in his eyes before I realize: _oh, right, Haru, reading Haru is **my** thing and that’s why Rin’s looking at me, nothing else._

“Yup, Haru’d probably laugh until  he breaks something. In that soundless way of his.”

“But how would you hear if he’s bein’ quiet about it - oh, right, the mindreading thing.” Rin says, nodding to himself. “How’d you guys _do_ that?”

“Well, I’ve known Haru for a very very long time, so I just...kinda picked it up, I guess?” I say. “So it’s really not something I learned how to _do_ , not exactly. Haru’s not like a school subject you can learn, or something like that.”

“If he _were_ one, though, you’d probably get perfect marks all the time, what with how disgustingly _married_ you guys are.” Rin grunts, shaking his head. For some reason, hearing about me and Haru and our so-called quote-unquote _telepathy schtick_ never fails to give Rin that expression that makes him look like he’d just eaten something rotten. I wonder why? “I’d probably flunk out ‘cuz let’s face it, Haru is unreadable by people _not_ named Makoto Tachibana.”

“I find that hard to believe - I think you’ve got a good read on Haru, yourself.” I say, and try very hard not to feel some sort of bitterness at the thought, but it’s hard because Haru and Rin are both so one-of-a-kind and if they can read each other then where does that leave me? It’s a selfish thought, I know, but I’m twelve years old and not exactly thinking rationally.

“Got nothin’ on you, though - oh, wait Mako back _up_ , there it is!” Rin says, grabbing at me by the collar of my shirt. The house is fairly large - just about the size of ours - and the characters for _Matsuoka_ are engraved in some kind of metallic plaque.

“Welcome to the Matsuoka residence, Young Master Tachibana.” Rin says, affecting some sort of ridiculous bow before fumbling for his keys. “Damn, where the hell did I put my -”

“ _Onii-chan_?”

I look down - and I do mean _down_ , not to be braggy about it but right now I’m kinda head-and-shoulders above every kid my age I know - to see the girl opening the door for us. Rin’s little sister is a pretty girl, with the same shade of hair and bright eyes of her brother, and when she sees me standing beside Rin her eyes brighten up for some reason.

“Oh! You’re Tachibana-san, right? _Onii-chan_ ’s friend from Iwatobi?”

“Got that right, sis. The greatest backstroke swimmer in the prefecture.” Rin says off-handedly, puffing his chest out proudly, and I can’t help but flush red ‘cuz I won’t go as far as to say that, not when I haven’t been seriously swimming backstroke for more than a _week_. I haven’t even swum a meet with it, even...so I duck my head and turn my attention to Gou.

“Yes, hello...Gou-chan, was it?” I hear myself say, and mentally kick myself at around the same time Rin elbows me in the side ‘cuz oh _right_ , the bullying thing, and Gou’s pretty face crumples up with a frown that’s around twice as bad as the ones Ren and Ran have when they’re throwing a fit.

“I-I like to be called ‘ _Kou_ ’ better, though,” Gou says, softly, in that shaky little voice that makes me want to bundle her up in a hug. And maybe mess around a couple of bratty fifth-graders. Maybe Rin’d help me if I suggested that last thing to him...

“All right then, Kou-chan, it’s nice to meet you too.” I say, stepping forward into the foyer after Rin. “Rin talks about you a lot, it’s pretty hard to forget - sorry for intruding.”

“Really?” Gou says, sounding unbelieving and throwing side-glances at her brother as he unlaces his trainers.

“Yeah, he does. Makes quite a ruckus about having the cutest little sister ever, an’all that.”

“Shut up, Mako, I totally didn’t ever say that _at all_!” Rin says, standing up to wrap an arm around me in a playful headlock, which makes my cheeks warm up again ‘cuz oh wow physical contact.

“O- _kay_...” Gou says, ushering us both into the living room as I toe off my loafers, Rin’s arm still slung over my shoulder. The glance she throws us as we walk in are just this side of suspicious to draw my attention.

“Don’t mind him, Kou-chan. It’s true anyway,” I say, leaning in to stage-whisper to her as Rin untangles himself from me to put his jacket somewhere. “Just don’t tell Ran I said that.”

Gou giggles, her cheeks a nice warm pink, and there aren’t any tears in her eyes - unshed or otherwise - so I’m counting that as a victory.

From somewhere in the corner of the room, we hear Rin say, in an annoyed voice, “Mako, I don’t wanna hafta do this, but if you flirt with my sister again I swear to God I’m gonna sic wild animals on ya.”

I’m about to say something to that - something along the lines of _I am **not** flirting with your sister _ \- but from the corner of my eye I can see Gou mouth something that kinda-sorta looks like _Jealous!!_ , and I raise my eyebrow at that. “How would you be able to do that, Rin?”

“I have my ways. Here’s the bread you asked for, Gou.”

“Ooh, thanks, _onii-chan_! I’ll get us some drinks.” Gou says, and goes off to do just that, the paper bag of bread in her hands.

“I thought we were gonna call her ‘ _Kou_ ’?”

“Pshaw, I’m her brother. Calling her ‘ _Gou_ ’ is a big step from calling her, say, a complete radish.” Rin says, and chuckles, flopping down onto the couch. I dunno what he means. It’s probably some kinda inside joke. “Sit anywhere, I guess.”

I consider not doing so, but what the hell, I end up sitting near Rin’s part of the couch anyway.

“Good choice,” Rin says, again with that smile that makes my cheeks feel warm. “You can cling to me if you get scared, I won’t mind.”

“I won’t get scared - Rin, why’d I get scared of...” I look at the coffee table, where a box set of DVDs is placed on top, “... _Cardcaptor Sakura_?”

“I ‘unno, man, you seem to be scared of a lot of stuff.”

It’s a good thing Gou comes in with snacks by then, ‘cuz I’m about to tell Rin about how I’m not really scared about stuff save for angry wandering spirits and werewolves and half of international mythology, and the _ocean_ of course but that one might send me detouring into a sobby mess.

“I got us apple juice - I hope you don’t mind, Tachibana-san.”

“Just ‘ _Makoto_ ’ would be fine, thanks.” I say, tightening my hold on the offered glass as Rin pinches my thigh and hisses “ _No flirting!_ ” under his breath.

“All right then, Makoto-san.”

“Hey, Gou,” Rin calls, and Gou whips her head up to face her brother. “What’re we gonna watch today?”

“Episode fifty-seven never fails to cheer me up.” Gou says, with a sunny smile on her face as she sits down on Rin’s other side.

“Tsch, the _love story_ episode, as if it couldn’t get any cheesier.” Rin groans, scrunching his eyes shut in a way that could only be called ‘cute’. “But then again, I did choose to surround myself with cheeseballs, so I guess I should’ve expected this.”

“Expected what, Rin?”

“Well, Makoto.” Rin says, rolling his eyes over at me wearily, “You’re one of ‘em, huh? You definitely strike me as one of the ‘believers in true love’ and all that bull.”

“I – Well I – You see –” How is there any way to tell Rin that I am twelve years old and definitely not interested in thinking about any amount of belief I may or may not have for it, and that he should stop spreading himself out on the couch like some couch hog ‘cuz if he slings his arm over my shoulder for another stretch of time I just might not be held responsible for my actions?

“Anyway, I never really did like the endgame, so maybe I’m just being bitter here.”

“Yeah, you are!” Gou says, fake-punching her elder brother as the opening credits roll in a flurry of wings and cherry blossom petals. Nothing I haven’t seen before – _Cardcaptor Sakura_ is also one of Ran’s favorites, in fact that’s where she gets the idea of the two small ponytails in her hair from, down to the bright red plastic hair bobbles. “Syaoran and Sakura are _soooo_ in love, _onii-chan_ , why can’t you see that?”

“‘Cuz.” Rin smirks, and Gou sticks out her tongue at him, fake-punching him again – Rin winces, maybe that punch wasn’t such a fake one after all. “I can totally get on board with the idea of Syaoran. I mean, he sounds like a cool guy? Smart and hardworking and determined, good at martial arts, too, and cooking, so he’s sorta-kinda like the brooding, Hong Kong-born magical anime version of me.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, _onii-chan_.”

“Hey, I am absolutely _not_ – Makoto, back me up here, will you? I’m telling the truth, right?”

“Pretty much,” I say, and wow I surprisingly do not sound as floaty as I feel right now. In the background, a guy with brown hair – Syaoran, I’m guessing – looks kinda dazed as he watches Sakura chatting with her best friend. “I mean, I haven’t tasted your cooking yet, Rin, so I can’t be too sure about that last one.”

“I’ll bring some over for practice tomorrow, so prepare to be amazed,” Rin says, as Gou sighs, watching Syaoran as he lies in bed, defeat in his brown eyes. Rin clicks his tongue, apparently annoyed at the sight. “I really don’t get what he sees in her, I mean, c’mon, that girl’s as dense as...as dense as... _Haru_.”

“Haru’s not _that_ dense,” I chide, watching as Rin wraps an arm ‘round his little sister’s shoulders. Bathed in the soft glow of the television and the afternoon sunlight streaming throigh the windows, the siblings look like something straight outta a dream, or one of Nagisa’s fairytales, and not for the first time in my life I have the sinking feeling that I’m intruding on something.

“Don’t _lie_ to yourself, Makoto,” Rin murmurs, almost absentmindedly, as Gou watches Sakura enter her classroom in a rush of happy energy.

Now, in my opinion the one person we know who’s the most kinda-sorta like Sakura’d actually be _Nagisa_ \- an obvious choice, considering the brightly-colored eyes and fair hair, but also ‘cuz of their shared cheerfulness and positivity and determination to get stuff done their way somehow. Considering how Sakura gets her Syaoran, it makes me wonder how our Nagisa would be if he got to have a more restrained, by-the-book presence by his side to make up for all his suddenness...

“C’mon, Rin. She’s _cheerful_ and _energetic_ , how does that make her like Haru?” As if to prove my point, the Sakura on TV is gushing over some brochure like it’s the best thing ever. I try to imagine that look on Haru’s face, only to fail...the closest expression Haru has to that’d probably be the slightly-wide-eyed face he has when faced with mackerel dishes.

“You really haven’t been paying attention to this, have ya? That Sakura’s so single-mindedly stuck on that Yukito guy she can’t even see straight.”

“Can’t blame her, onii-chan, I mean, have you _seen_ Yukito-san? He’s just so dreamy I wanna cry!”

“Makoto, what should I do, my little sister has _horrible_ taste in men.”

“You’re just saying he’s horrible ‘cuz you’re a big spoil-sport.”

“I’m just saying he’d be a horrible choice, for you, ‘cuz you just won’t match up. _And_ he’s got the hottest of hots for Sakura’s big brother.”

“Rin,” I start, a bit confused by the startling amount of knowledge my friend has about this anime that he’d been only ‘ _forced_ ’ to watch. “When you _said_ that you didn’t watch magical girl anime...”

Rin opens his mouth to say something, but Gou beats him to it with a hand over his mouth and a big big smile. “That’s a lie, of course!”

“Mmmphh glurgl - _GOU STOP LAUGHING_.” Rin grunts, wrestling himself free from his laughing sister’s (surprisingly strong!) clutches. As Gou is totally unaffected by Rin’s voice - it seems his temper is a usual thing in the Matsuoka household - he turns that fire-red gaze on me instead, and...I’m a coward who can’t help but shudder. “Our _promise_ , Makoto.”

“I remember it _perfectly_ ,” I say, smiling weakly, as Rin’s posture relaxes. “So - you got into it ‘cuz Gou’s always watching it?”

“I watch it for the character development,” Rin replies, calmly.

Gou snickers, completely unaffected by the glare her big brother’s using on her right now. “Yeah, _right_. You’re as into the shipping business as I am.”

“You better shut your pretty mouth, young woman,” Rin threatens, mussing Gou’s hair affectionately. “‘Sides, ‘s not my fault that the Chinese guy doesn’t get how much of a _catch_ Tomoyo is, I mean, _seriously_.”

“So she’s your favourite?” I hear myself say, numbly. So Rin likes the pretty, _yamato_ _nadeshiko_ types...I keep that in mind, though it kinda makes my chest feel weird and heavy and I’d rather forget it right now.

“Well, not _exactly_. She just reminds me of someone,” Rin says, facing me dead-on with an expression I’ve only seen on his face exactly once before - when we were making bricks and he yelled at Haru that _I told you you could do free, Nanase!_ Just like it had then, the intensity of his eyes is _arresting_ and I can’t even dare _think_ of looking away. “Someone who I like _very much_.”

And at that very moment when his eyes lock on mine, my cheeks go warm and his lower lip wobbles and my heart makes this lazy barrel roll in my chest and I think I’m supposed to be getting this by now but I don’t.

I _really_ don’t, which is just too bad ‘cuz right now what I’d like most is to be able to understand what Rin’s eyes are supposed to be telling me.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Mako, darling, you are denser than the densest metal ever to exist, and I dunno what else I should do with you. You too, Rin, I expected better from you.
> 
> The part about Mako thinking how Nagisa would be with a Syaoran-like presence in his life is, of course, a thinly-veiled sort-of foreshadowing to Rei.
> 
> The episode they’re watching here is episode 57, “ _Sakura, Syaoran, and the Elevator_ ”.


	3. Makoto’s True Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 真琴の本当の気持ち

Episode fifty-seven ends with Syaoran looking out of his balcony, absolutely sure that he’s in love with his rival-turned-friend Sakura. Personalities aside they both kinda-sorta remind me of Haru and Rin - actually Haru’d be a better Syaoran, what with all his silence and hidden fire, which’d make Rin his Sakura. Normally thinking of this would make me sad and lonely, but then I begin to imagine what Rin’d look like in one of Sakura’s short skirts and I. _Um_.

Okay, so I think Rin has very nice style. And _legs_. And - and I guess I just need to stop thinking right now, yeah.

I close my eyes and count to ten under by breath. As if I could forget the image of Rin that quickly.

Short skirts. Seriously, Makoto, _seriously_. I’m twelve years old and pretty sure I’m gonna be going to some kinda hell for this, and mom’s not gonna be happy.

“Something wrong, Makoto?”

“I-it’s nothing, Rin,” I say, smiling weakly.

Rin looks at me with some kinda worry in his eyes and so I put some effort into making my smile look more honest. He doesn’t seem to buy it. “It’s ‘cuz we watched the _night_ episode, huh.”

“No, it’s not.” I say, because to be honest I haven’t been paying attention to the television at all. What I _had_ been paying attention to, however, is that Rin’s side is pressed into mine, and that his free hand is resting on my thigh, tapping out the melody of the opening and ending themes when they roll, and that his warmth is very distracting. But it’s not as if I’d actually _say_ that, I think, swallowing ‘round a lump in my throat.

“Aww, y’look terrified,” Rin coos, removing his free hand from my thigh. That’s true, yeah, but I’m not scared of Tomoeda Elementary in the dark - I’m scared that Rin might catch up on what I’m thinking right now. Haru always _did_ say I was an open book, after all. “C’mere Mako, schooch on closer.”

“I can’t move any closer, Rin, you know that,” I say, because it’s true and if I moved any closer I might find myself sitting on Rin’s lap and - _no_. Just, no.

“Guess this’ll have to do, then.” Rin quips, a lil’ bit too cheerily than normal, as he slings an arm around my shoulder and pulls me closer, like he did Gou a few minutes ago.

“Rin, I -”

“ _Shush_ , Makoto,” Rin says, tightening his grip ‘round my shoulders. His hand is slightly shaking and clammy with sweat. “If you talk, how could I focus on scaring away the scary piano ghost on TV?”

“Piano ghosts aren’t _real_ ,” I mutter, leaning into Rin’s warmth anyway. It’s really a good thing Haru isn’t here - he’d laugh for a decade and I’ll never ever live this down.

“Lemme tell ya a secret, Makoto.” Rin says, his cheeky grin in place as he leans in to whisper in my ear. “They’re _real_.”

I pull back at that, my eyes wide, partly ‘cuz let’s face it ghosts are creepy, and partly because when Rin whispers in my ear like that I think I forget how to breathe. Thankfully, he doesn’t seem to notice my awkwardness, ‘cuz he pulls me in closer by the arm he has ‘round my shoulders anyway.

“No matter, I’m gonna drive ‘em off anyway so ‘s all fine as long as you stick with me.”

From his other side I can hear Gou... _sniggering_. I can’t see why she would - on the TV, a pretty brown-haired girl is giving out cookies, nothing funny about it. But Rin does, apparently, ‘cuz he pinches her cheek and tells her to “keep _quiet_ ”.

“Keep quiet about what?” I hear myself say, and just as quickly regret it, because Rin’s flushed red again and Gou’s smile is, honestly, scaring me a little.

“Nothing, Makoto-san,” Gou beams, showing twin rows of pretty white teeth. Unlike her elder brother she doesn’t seem to have any sharp canines. “And it’ll _stay_ as nothing if my dear _onii-chan_ would let go of me so I can go get more snacks.”

“Fine.”

“ _And_ also give me half of his share of the choco-chip cookies.”

“Damn, take it _all_ , if that’s what it takes to keep ya quiet.” Rin grumbles. His cheeks are very pink. “Off with you, now.”

“Do you want us to pause the episode for you, Gou-chan?”

“No need, Makoto-san! I’ll just be gone for a moment.” Gou says, extracting herself from her brother with a cheeky wink aimed my direction. “And, ‘sides. The next part is _onii-chan_ ’s favorite.”

“Gou, didn’t I just say that -”

“Uh-uh, _onii-chan_ , be careful, I might just tell him!”

Rin’s mouth slams closed at that, so as his little sister is outta earshot I turn to him. “What will she tell me?”

“ _Nothing_ , Mako,” Rin mumbles, and I dunno if he meant to hold me closer or not but I do know that either way, I like the closeness of this. “Just. Don’t listen to Gou. Trust me when I say you don’t wanna know what she’s thinking.”

“All right then.” I still don’t get where Rin’s coming from with this, and I don’t usually just blindly follow instruction, but if Rin says I should trust him on this then I guess that’s what I gotta do.

We stay silent for the next few minutes, and it doesn’t seem like Rin’s gonna talk soon so I actually return to watching the show. “Oh, that’s a cute teddy bear,” I say, surprising myself by commenting on it.

“Yeah, it’s cute I guess,” Rin murmurs, looking down at his free hand, which he seems to be clenching and unclenching into a fist. “God, I hate that guy.”

“The one in the glasses?”

“He’s such a smug know-it-all, I can’t help but wanna throw him down a peg or two. Thank _God_ we don’t know anyone like that.”

“Okay,” I reply, saying nothing else, because if I express my surprise at how invested my friend is in this anime - _again_ \- I think he just might pinch me. “Your favorite is...Tomoyo-chan, right?”

“Good, you’re learning.” Rin nods with a proud grin on his face. “At first yeah, I thought it’d be Syaoran, since I can relate so much to him - transferee, at the mercy of his female relatives, suddenly befriending the rival an’all. But like I said, no _taste_ , that man.”

“Really? I think Sakura-chan’s rather cute.”

“Mako, you think _everyone_ is rather cute.” Rin chides, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “That’s gonna get you in trouble some day, y’know?”

“How so?”

“Tsch, you’re hopeless.” Rin says, rolling his eyes. “I’ll tell you when we’re older.”

He and Haru really are alike in more ways than they think, if you’d ask me. “So, anyway. Tomoyo-chan?”

“Like I told ya before, she reminds me a lot of someone I know.” Rin answers, again with that fathomless gaze that makes my tummy do that flip-floppy thing I can’t understand. “And, well. Just watch that.”

_“Don’t you care if the person you like likes you back?”_

_“Of course I’d be happy of the person I liked likes me back, but...If the person I love is happy, that’s all I need to be happy.”_

“She’s hopelessly in love with her bestie, who doesn’t even have a clue.” Rin sighs, shaking his head in disappointment. “Even though she’s so obviously loyal to her. It’s hard to watch, but...”

“But?”

“But she’s right on that one. I mean, with the person I like - I mean, if, _if_ I had a person I liked, and they liked someone else, obviously - well. You know how I feel about losing, right?”

“You don’t like it.”

“ _Exactly_.” Rin says in a softer voice, which catches my attention. “So yeah, I’d feel crummy about it. When in fact I shouldn’t - ‘cuz I should at least be happy that the person I like is happy. Wise words, for a grade-schooler.”

“We’re grade-schoolers too, Rin.”

“ _Graduating_ grade-schoolers.”

“...still. You’ve put a lot of thought into this, huh?”

“Yeah, y’know, hope for the best, prepare for the worst, an’all that stuff.” Rin half-mumbles, while the hand he has ‘round my shoulders goes up to rest on my hair. “Hey, Makoto.”

“What is it?”

Rin cards his hand – his very _very_ warm hand – through my hair, and I have to bite my tongue to stop myself from doing anything stupid like sigh. Or say “ _Rin, do that again!_ ”

…well, never mind that Rin had asked that of me, once, when it was I who ruffled his hair after swim practice. That’s just how Rin is – frighteningly direct about the weirdest of things – I’ve long since given up trying to make sense of some of the stuff he comes up with, to be honest.

“D’you ever comb your hair? I swear, Makoto, your hair is so messy I could probably have flocks of birds nesting in here and you won’t even notice.”

 “Well, I guess that’d be a step down from the cats that somehow find their way into my _yukata_ , then.” I sigh, leaning into Rin’s touch. I know we probably strike a weird picture right now, but he’s just so warm, my heart beat is so loud, Gou’s been away for too long, and…to be honest, I don’t think I care what we look like anymore. “I’ve learned how to deal with cat hair, and have no idea what to do with feathers.”

Rin chuckles, trying awkwardly to finger-comb tangles outta my hair, like Haru sometimes used to do when we were little. “Don’t worry. When it comes to that, I’ll help you.”

“Thanks, Rin.”

We sit there in silence, Rin humming a nameless tune as he cards his hand through my hair again and again, and somewhere along the way I nod in and out of sleep. Getting sleepy just ‘cuz of hair-ruffling – growth spurts aside, I really am still just a kid.

“Hey, Makoto?” I hear Rin say, so very impossibly gently, and sleepy or not I can’t help but look up to see his face. There’s this softness to his eyes, something I’ve only seen once before – when I had asked him why he was so obsessed with relay, a few weeks ago.

“What is it, Rin?”

“See, there’s something I want to tell you,” he starts, takes a deep breath, opens his mouth as if to continue on talking, and then…just…stops. He shakes his head, as if that could make me forget what he’d just done, and smiles a closed-lipped, close-eyed smile, that doesn’t at all feel like a real one to me. “But I won’t tell you. Considering you, and considering me, telling you won’t be the best idea.”

My heart goes a mad thump-thump-thump in my chest and I can’t help but think – is this it? Has he finally caught on? Is this the part where he rejects me? Where he says “ _I’m sorry, Makoto, but the one I like a lot is Haru_.”

Or is this hopeless childish feeling I have whenever he smiles at me not so childish after all.

“Rin…” I start, but Rin only shakes his head further, and continues running his hand through my hair again. Just like that, just like that, I find myself wanting to fall asleep again. Does he really not see how much hold he has over me?

“Go to sleep, Makoto. I’ll wake you up before dinner.”

* * *

 

Somewhere in the middle of sleeping and dreaming, I hear voices.

“ _You_ _didn’t tell him_?”

Someone clicks their tongue, once. “There wasn’t any reason for me to.”

A long, drawn-out, _disappointed_ sigh. “I just gave you all the chances you ever asked for, _onii-chan_. If you hadn’t noticed, I’ve been gone for – what, an _hour_? And what did you do? You’re watching him sleep!”

“Didn’t you tell me before that this was the most romantic thing ever?”

“You must’ve not been listening well, _onii-chan_. I said that it _would’ve_ been the most romantic thing ever, if it weren’t so _creepy_.”

“I know about your muscle stash.” A gasp. “Yeah, who’s the creepy one now?”

“But how – I hid it so well – never mind.” The sound of footfalls from across the room. “That’s not the problem here. Why didn’t you tell him?”

“He’s happy as he is.” A shuddering breath.

“So?”

“If he’s happy with the way things are, then that’s all I’m gonna ask for.”

“And how sure are you of that?”

“I don’t have to ask. I know him. He’s happy with this, with _him_ , and…when I’m gone, he’ll be all right. It’s better that he doesn’t know. He’ll be just fine.”

“…but how about you?”

“What?”

“How about _your_ feelings, _onii-chan_? Would that be ‘just fine’ for _them_? After all – if you don’t man up and _put them into words_ , how on earth would you ever get your feelings across?”

“He loves someone else, okay? I spend enough time with these two dorks to know that, at least. And I know it’s not hopeless – I’ve spent enough time mulling over my feelings like one of those sad teenagers, believe me, I know what hopelessness looks like.”

“I can’t believe you.”

“Yeah, I can’t believe it either. I mean – _me_ , accepting defeat without even putting up a fight? It doesn’t sound like something I’d do.”

“Then don’t do it.”

“See, here’s the thing. It doesn’t sound like something I’d do…but it does sound like something I’d do. For him.”

One beat, two beats, three…

“Just make sure you don’t regret that, then.”

“As long as he’s happy, I know I won’t.”

As someone’s hand cards through my hair over and over again, I lose track of what I’ve just heard. Is this real, am I still at the house with Rin and Gou, or do I just think I am and is this all just a dream? I never find out, never see the difference, because under that warm touch there is nothing left for me to do but sleep and dream again.

* * *

 

There’s a story to those teddy bears, I remember, as Ran makes me watch another rerun with her. It’s been told in the exact same episode I’d watched with the Matsuoka siblings – but between my distracting imagination and Rin’s hand lulling me to sleep I hadn’t been up for remembering much. I can’t even remember if I had been dreaming, at the very least.

The legend – up to now I’ve no idea if it’s true or totally made up – goes like this: if you make a plush toy yourself, name it after yourself, and give it to the person you love, you will stay in love with each other forever. Simple enough.

…I’m not good with arts and crafts, not exactly. Being big and tall also means that I’m clumsy and awkward with my movements, so fragile details are obviously not my thing. But sometimes I imagine making something, some kind of marine animal probably – he’d always loved sharks the best, right? But if I were to name it after myself…I’d go for an orca, ‘cuz that’s what Rin and Haru say I’m most like, for some reason. Then I imagine giving it to him. What’ll he do? Would he laugh at me for taking a page out of an anime? Would he say it’s nice, but I’m sorry, I like Haru?

Would he – is there even a chance, a tiny little chance, that he’d even accept?

But it’s useless thinking about stuff like this, ‘cuz if there’s one thing I’m worse at than English, it’s sewing. And Home Ec in general.

* * *

 

A few days after, Rin hangs back after swim practice.

It’s not a weird thing for him to be doing – we all run home together, preparing for the upcoming relay and all – but what _is_ weird about it is that he’s bouncing on the balls of his feet and his eyes seem to be going everywhere but nowhere.

I’m the last one of us in the locker room, ‘cuz I _did_ let Haru use the shower first, and as soon as he sees me Haru sighs, takes his bag, and gives Rin a glance over his shoulder.

I don’t see much of that glance, ‘cuz he’s doing it over his shoulder and all, but from what little I can see of it I can see…that whatever he is, he’s sick and tired of dealing with it. Yeah, sounds like Haru, all right.

“I’m going,” Haru says, and this is weird ‘cuz he normally doesn’t _have_ to say that, he normally just flashes me this little angry glare that tells me _I have run out of patience_ , and I chuckle and wish him a safe trip home. So I know he’s not saying this for my benefit – it’s for _Rin’s_ sake, for whatever reason.

Rin, who is still bouncing on the balls of his feet and looking _very_ interested in his socks.

“Have a safe trip, Haru,” I say, smiling at Haru as he glares at me and walks away, probably to the sound of Nagisa calling for him in the distance. Come to think of it – since when did Nagisa get out of the locker room before Rin did? Huh.

I go to my locker and begin to change. As I pull up my shorts I steal a glance at Rin from the corner of my eye – there he is, still jittery, still very interested of the locker room flooring. “Good work today, Rin.”

“I – um, yeah.” Rin half-mumbles, and his eyes are wide and shocked for some reason, as if I just caught him doing something he shouldn’t be doing. That’s weird – what _isn’t_ he supposed to be doing? He’s just standing there. “You too, I guess, Makoto.”

He’s obviously not going to say anything else, so I guess I should go on with getting dressed then. On goes the polo shirt, then the sweater vest, and then I prepare myself for the balancing act required by putting on socks and _oh_ –

There’s a plush toy on the bottom part of my locker, around the size of the dolphin plush Haru won himself on that one festival we went to, before. It’s another marine animal, from the looks of it, and with those fins and those jagged sewn-in teeth, there’s only one thing it could be –

“A shark, Rin?”

“Yeah, well, it was the coolest one there, so that’s what I got you.” Rin says, putting his cap over his head, intentionally-or-unintentionally hiding his eyes. “Gou says thanks, by the way. That comes from both of us.”

I pick up the plush toy carefully, as if I’m afraid it’d vanish into thin air if I hold it too tightly. It’s cute, way too cute to be a proper, scary shark, and the stitches are nice and even and I just really can’t believe that Rin, who has a shark collection rivaling Nagisa’s own penguin collection, is giving this to _me_.

“I’ll call it Rin.” I say, without even realizing what I’m saying.

“Hmm?”

“The smile it has reminds me of you. So I’m calling it Rin.” I hear myself say, again. Why am I saying this?

Why are Rin’s cheeks flushed pink all of a sudden?

“Do what you want,” Rin says, tugging his cap down lower on his head. “I’ll be waiting for you outside.”

* * *

 

It’s only long after we bid goodbye – a few hours after dinner, in fact – that I realize exactly what I’ve said.

Did I just? Yeah, I really did just. I wish I didn’t drive him away, I really do wish that.

The next day, when he grins at me as usual and times me for practice like usual, I feel happy because I think my wish was granted. But I also feel as if I’m missing something, something very important.

* * *

 

When we see Rin off to Australia, he’s sobbing and wrapping me in a warm embrace – twice as long as Gou’s, twice as tight as Nagisa’s – and it would’ve been the perfect time for me to tell him.

_Hey, Rin._

_Rin, I really like your smile. I love how you smile for me._

_Rin, when you gave me that shark, when I named it after you – yeah, remember? Remember that anime we watched, and how it meant there? That’s exactly what I meant._

_Rin, I know this is what you want, Australia and planes and saying goodbye, but. Please. Before you leave, at least know this._

_Rin, I like you a lot._

But I don’t.

Because then he engulfs Haru in an embrace thrice as long and thrice as tight as all our embraces combined, and I can’t help but remember those words, spoken by a fictional character on TV that one afternoon: _If the person I love is happy...that’s all I need to be happy._

* * *

 

* * *

 

.

.

.

These are the words Makoto never gets to hear, during that one last embrace:

“You still didn’t tell him, did you.”

“You better take care of him, Haru.”

“Or what?”

“Or I’ll swim all the way back to Japan and rip you apart.”

“You can’t _do_ that.”

“I sure do hope I won’t have to prove how wrong you are.”

“Don’t be stupid. I won’t _ever_ hurt Makoto, you know that.”

“I _do_ know that. In fact, that’s why I’m not telling him.”

“…”

“…”

“The two of you are fools, you know.”

“Don’t push it, Haru.”

“No, you’re both completely out of your mind. It’s all too obvious to everyone else but yourselves.”

“Can you stop talking in riddles?”

“Can you be sure you won’t regret this?”

“As long as he’s happy, I know I never will.”

_Because if the person I love is happy...that’s all I need to be happy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As it turns out, though, Haruka was right.
> 
> But then again, love does make fools out of everyone…
> 
> And that's where their story ends.
> 
> (...for now?!?)


	4. Rin’s Most Important Person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 凛の大切な人

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the Rin-POV, circa-Free!-canon epilogue. Also consider this my gift for the lovely [brewcha](http://brewcha.tumblr.com) \- here's to hoping all the messy RL stuff gets done!!

Another day, another joint practice.

It’s been _years_ since then, and all I can think of is that it’s now or never, and look what good ‘ _never_ ’ did me so I sure as hell better choose ‘ _now_ ’.

“O-oi,” I hear myself say, and god _damnit_ why is my voice cracking? “...Makoto.”

“What is it, Rin?” he answers, and there he is again with that smile, holy mother and child, does he even _know_ what that does to me?

“C’mere, let’s talk.” I say, waving him over and turning away quickly so he wouldn’t see the stupid-silly grin on my face...only to come face-to-face with Haru.

_Damn it._

“You still owe me.” Haru says under his breath, pausing a bit before saying “The _dowry_.” and friends or not, competition or not, sometimes this guy really pisses me off with that damned smugness of his. “Rei says I should ask for interest.”

“Not your damned business, Haru,” I say, perfectly justified in flipping him off as I walk away, and for good measure, I shout behind us, “Not any of yours either, Rei!”

I hear Rei’s garbled mumbling as Nagisa laughs at him and his probably-red face – something about how he didn’t get what Haru’d been asking for, or something – but I don’t get to notice it much ‘cuz now I hear Makoto’s laugh and _crap_ he’s just right behind me, stay _strong_ Rin, do _not_ lean back god damn it _no_.

“What’re you guys talking about?” he asks, and _shit_ his voice really shouldn’t be something heard up close. “ _Rin_?”

“Nothing, nothing at all,” I say, fighting to keep my voice level. “Follow me.”

Makoto laughs at this - I have no idea why he does, but what the hell this is Makoto and he’d laugh at _anything_ ‘cuz he’s impossible like that. From my peripheral I can see him scrubbing at his hair with another one of those stripy towels and I have to look away very quickly because oh _wow_ those triceps are amazing.

So Gou isn’t the _only_ muscle fan in this family, but _shh_.

“We haven’t talked for a long time, Rin.” Makoto says as I shut the door behind us, still working at his hair with his towel, still in those legskins and nothing else. I’ll be hitting the showers after this, but from what I’ve heard Makoto’s still gonna try to help Rei with his backstroke.

Operative word being _try_ , ‘cuz I still can’t believe that there is a force on heaven and earth that could help that boy swim anything but butterfly, impossible though it may sound. Even _Makoto’s_ having a hard time of it, and everyone knows he’s unmistakably a miracle of the universe.

“Yeah, we haven’t, huh?” The last time we’ve talked to each other without Haru and the others getting in the way somehow had been one of the lowest parts of my _life_ – when Makoto’d told me off after my race with Haru and he’d just looked so _disappointed_ in me that I wanted nothing more but to go out and kick people.

‘S probably why I ended up kicking trash bins, but that’s neither here nor there.

“It’s too bad. I really missed this, y’know?” Makoto says, and there he is with that smile again, the one that makes his stupid green eyes crinkle up, the one that makes me feel warm down to the tips of my toes like a little kid, thank God I remember how breathing works, this time. “I _really_ like being around you, Rin.”

And then there’s the way he says my name, how it feels like a damned – it has to be said – _mother’s caress_ , as if he and I weren’t on different continents for years, as if I didn’t do a total 180 with my personality, as if I didn’t dismiss him entirely the past few weeks I spent angsting over Haru like a complete _douche_.

Suddenly all the feelings I thought I’ve kept under lock and key come crashing down on me, like all the depression did when I came back from Australia, and there’s really nothing left for me to go on with the plan.

It’s not exactly a _good_ plan, but…I’ve almost ended up racing with Haru in an old, unused, completely-water-free swimming pool before, don’t even _start_ talking with me about good plans.

“Hey, Makoto,” I start, carding a hand through my hair, with my free hand on my hip, trying (and maybe failing) to look cool. “Remember when we were kids, and you came over to visit?”

“Which time, Rin?” Makoto asks, cocking his head in that cute way of his that really shouldn’t be distracting me right now ‘cuz I’m on _business_ right now! “’Cuz as far as I know, you had very, ahh, _specific_ instructions that we weren’t gonna talk about the _sleepover_ –”

“No, not that time, Makoto, the _other_ one.” I say, red rushing to my cheeks.

Don’t ask me what the sleepover was all about. It’s not a story you’d like to hear, believe me. I think the _firemen_ on call that day would agree with you.

Here’s a hint, though: there’s a reason why the world should be glad that Nagisa and I _don’t_ live in the same house.

“ _Oh, right_!” Makoto says, realization lighting up his face like an LED and right now I wanna just hug him ‘cuz that makes him look _so cute_ but nuh- _uh_ I’m Rin Matsuoka and I’ve got a _reputation_ to maintain, damn it all. “When we watched anime with Gou-chan, right?”

“Yeah, that’s the one.” I say, ducking my head, pretending to look for something under my bag, so he doesn’t see the embarrassing shade my face probably had gained in the last few minutes. “Say. Remember what I asked you to do for me then?”

“Yup. You told me not to tell Haru anything about it…why?”

“Well, I’m gonna show you something, but first you gotta promise that again.”

Makoto’s smile grows a bit less serene and a bit more – dare I say – _playful_ , and it makes my throat go dry when he turns that on me. “Do you want me to do the pinky promise again?”

“Actually –” I’m about to follow that up by saying _we’re not **kids** anymore, Makoto, pinky promises are no longer stuff we should do_ , but what the hell I am a hopeless romantic and this is something that years of Australian angst and tons of frustration over Haru does not really take away. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess we could.”

Unlike back then, it’s Makoto who sticks out his pinky first, and the smile he flashes me as I hook my pinky ‘round his is…a whole other animal from the smiles he usually does. I dunno what to make of it. I don’t even know if I _should_ be making anything out of it.

“So, Rin, what’s this all about?” Makoto asks as soon as I unhook our pinkies, that perplexing smile still on his stupid perfect face.

 _This is it, Rin; you’re doing this, by God you’re making this happen_. I reach into my cubby hole, plaster a smirk onto my face so I look less awkward than I feel, and show him a sight he’s _definitely_ seen before.

“O-oh!!” Makoto exclaims, his eyes bright and sparkly like in one of Gou’s shoujo animes, like in the anime whose DVD I’m waving ‘round right about now. “Gosh, yeah, I remember that.”

“So nostalgia strikes in very interesting ways,” I say, cocking an eyebrow and hoping to every deity that that fake-confident smirk’s staying firmly in place, “Wanna join me?”

I’m about to end that with the phrase _for old time’s sake_ , but I don’t even have to, ‘cuz Makoto answers _yes_ without a second thought and suddenly my damned overworking imagination’s picturing him saying the same word, to the same me, for a different question entirely. But no, it’d be best for me (and other unnamed body parts) to not dwell on that.

‘Sides. For him to wanna spend time with me even after all my crap that he had to put up with, this is a victory in itself.

* * *

 

“I was annoyed with you at around this part, y’know.”

“Oh, really?” I say, nibbling absently at one of the sandwiches Makoto’s mum left for us as I stretch out on their family’s couch. We were supposed to do this at our place, ‘cuz it’s where we last did this and also more far away from the Nanase residence than Makoto’s place is, but Gou’s having a sleepover with a friend so I’ll just have to deal with the risk of Haru popping in on us at any moment.

…truth is, I don’t think I can do this with an audience. My feelings are embarrassing enough as is.

“You were making fun of me for being scared of an anime ghost,” Makoto recalls, with this frankly ridiculous pout on his face that should seem out-of-place with the rest of him but…isn’t. “And even when you said you were gonna drive ‘em off, you were grinning at me like you thought it was funny. I had half a mind to tell Gou to yell at you, you should know.”

“It’s not like that, but damn you, Mako, don’t you even _dare_ to joke about Gou yelling at me.”

As if the telling-off she gave me when she found out I’d spent the whole hour watching Makoto sleep like a creeper wasn’t enough. Looking back on that, probably not one of my best ideas, but not one I’d regret doing.

And as for the grinning: that was just ‘cause I thought Makoto was just _too cute_. Like how I think he is right now, with his shoulders shaking as he does that laugh that does questionable things to my mental processes.

I look up at the telly to see that the teddy bear’s on-screen right now. Guess I should take that as my cue.

“Makoto,” I say, cool as a cucumber, even if everything inside my skin feels like it’s gonna burst up into flames at any given moment, “What’d you do with the thing I gave you back then?”

“Mm – right, right, that one, wait for me a sec?” Makoto says, standing up suddenly, not even waiting for my answer before bounding up the stairs. He seems to be taking ‘em two steps at a time.

He’s…gonna go into his room or something? Maybe he’s gonna give it to me; he thinks I’m asking for it back? Oh no that’s _not_ what I intended.

Before I can even properly overthink this, however, he’s right back at my side with short puffing breaths and a proud smile on his face. “Here it is, Rin,” he says, placing the plush gently on my lap with all the delicacy one would give a newborn. It’s…perfectly kept, soft and clean and fluffy as it was on the day I knotted off the last stitch.

Yes, I did sew this myself, and yes, for those of you who do get what this means, that is exactly what I meant. What I still mean, right now.

Now all that’s left is for me to actually _tell_ him.

“Y’know, Makoto, there’s something I really need to tell you.”

“Go on, then, Rin – oh, which flavor of juice did you want, orange or apple?”

“Apple. And Makoto –” I break off, mustering enough courage as I can while Makoto messes around with juice boxes, “– d’you know that I named this after myself?”

“That’s a nice coincidence, here you go, Rin,” Makoto replies, handing me my juice box with that dumb smile again. “Because I named him after you too, didn’t you remember?”

“Yeah, well, you see,” _This is it, Rin, don’t you dare screw this up, you’ve fixed up a lot of your messes before but if you mess this up you’ll scare him away and never get to make up for it_. “I meant it, y’know.”

“What?”

“That thing with the shark, I. _Um_.” Good job being eloquent, Rin Matsuoka. “I meant it.”

“That thing with the shark…?”

Good heavens, Makoto, please don’t tell me I have to spell this out for you, this is embarrassing and I’ve no idea how those people in sappy romance dramas (the kind of which, you should know, I do _not_ watch) do this without wanting to rip their hair out.

“The – _listen to me_ , Makoto, because I’m only gonna say this once.” I say, looking him dead on and trying not to blush madly in the face of those confused, blinking green eyes.

“So, twelve-year-old me made that for you ‘cuz he’s a sappy romantic who actually believes in shoujo anime love clichés. I named that after myself ‘cuz I was a stupid kid who thought that stuff like that would be enough to make sure that we get to spend together forever or something like that.” I laugh, humorlessly, rushing over my words as Makoto continues doing his confused-blinking-puppy routine. “It _isn’t_ , though, ‘cuz Gou really was right and stuff like this is pointless if it doesn’t come with any _words_.”

Here we go.

“ _I like you_ , Makoto. Always have. That’s what the shark was for, and why I’m here right now.”

Of course I expected that we’d spend a few minutes looking into each other’s eyes in silence, and that he’d have that confused face firmly in place as my last words register with him. But what I did not expect, at _all_ , are the words he says to break the silence.

“So…” Makoto starts, his cheeks faintly dusted pink, “It’s not Haru, then?”

“ _Haru_?” Geez Louise, Makoto, does everything have to lead back to Haru? And why are we talking about him right now?

“The person you like…I thought it was Haru?”

“The – Makoto, did you listen to _anything_ I was just saying?” I say, actually flinging up both my arms in something that might be rightfully called _despair_. The man I like thinks that I like the man who I know he likes most over anything else in the world. As if our relationship chart couldn’t be muddled up enough…at least Nagisa and Rei know exactly where they stand, huh. “It wasn’t Haru! It never was! It was just _you_!”

“But – but I thought,” Makoto bites his lips, probably thinking his next words over. He better think his next words over, ‘cuz if he says another thoughtless thing I might just shake him by the shoulders and _grab_ – oh, wait, no, _bad_ imagination, stop that, Makoto’s still _talking_ for crying out loud. “I thought you only put up with me all the time ‘cuz I was the one who talked Haru into doing relay…”

“That was about his frankly unnerving swimming skill, and has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I thought you were the best thing since sliced bread, and still feel that way.” I say, mentally cursing my lucky stars because as far as I know it is not possible for humanity to achieve this level of denseness. But then again maybe “miracle of the universe” can be translated into that way, as well. “That shark was _my confession_ , Makoto.”

“Not a friendship gift?” Makoto asks, his eyes wide and rather… _dazed_?

“How many times do I need to tell you, Makoto?” If Haru were to pop in right this moment I’m pretty sure I’d have enough built-up tension in me to toss him clean into the Pacific Ocean. But then Makoto’d probably get mad at me. See how my priorities go? “I still wanna be your friend, yeah, but believe me, friendship was the _furthest_ thing from my mind when I gave it.”

Because twelve-year-old me was an embarrassing kid with the most embarrassing crush on his self-proclaimed rival’s BFF, who imagined going on dates and adopting kittens and holding hands and sometimes, when the stitches were boring and repetitive enough, even _kissing_. And even right now, seventeen-year-old me is an embarrassing kid whose mind keeps goading him on to just stop talking and kiss the confusion off Makoto’s face.

God, for all that it pisses me off I can’t help but think that it’s a relief that Makoto couldn’t read me like he does Haru. Because if he could read all this out of my face I don’t think I could gather up enough will to continue living.

Speaking of.

“So there you have all my cards out on the table. I understand that you like Haru, and that he likes you back –” here Makoto’s eyes widen, and he’s about to say something but I talk over him, I’ve gotta get this over with fast, “– don’t look at me like that, the two of you are so disgustingly married and it’s the grossest, single most obvious thing ever, but I can live with that, it’s fine and you don’t need to worry.”

“You’re… _wrong_ , though,” Makoto says, softly, carefully. Walking on eggshells, most probably.

“Fine. Guys can’t get married in Japan, I know that, _sheesh_ , don’t be all literal on me. Disgustingly dating, then.”

“No, not that, what I mean is – well. I don’t like Haru? Not in the way you’re thinking, at least?”

“Denial is _not_ your friend, Makoto,” I say, sighing because I’ve got enough drama on my plate without adding Makoto’s relationship-newbieness, but also bracing myself because crush or not, love or not, Makoto’s still one of my best friends and if I have to be the voice of reason then I sure as hell will be one.

Even if I still think Haru’s an _ass_ for not confessing.

Yeah, I know that thinking this makes me a hypocrite.

“Point is, you like Haru, and that frustrated merman likes you back, too. Be boyfriends, I’ll root you on, and if you wanna you can just forget that today ever happened.”

“Rin, that…” Makoto says, picking the embroidery on a throw pillow. “Please don’t say that.”

“Makoto –”

“Rin, please don’t say that I should forget today,” Makoto sighs, closing his eyes, bracing himself? “Because…because when you said that you…that you _like_ _me_ , it made me really happy. So please _don’t tell me to forget that_.”

…

 _Well_.

– _oh my god did I just hear that right????_

So I guess it’s Makoto’s time to talk on as I carry on with staring at him, jaw dropping and struck still like some kind of weird statue. “It’s true that I think that it’s meaningless without Haru, but…but even when he’s around, when you were gone, it always felt like there was something missing. And I was so happy when I got to see you again, even when you didn’t seem like you felt the same way.”

Note to self: if able to gain time-travel powers, go back into past to punch douche-y past self senseless. Also skip all the angsting to kiss Makoto senseless, because he likes me back? Apparently? Am I reading this right? _Please_ tell me I’m reading this right. If I am, then that plan of action would probably have saved us all this grief.

“I – well, I was gonna tell you, when we were younger, when you gave me the shark, ‘cuz I couldn’t help but feel _hopeful_.” Guess the meaning of that thing I did didn’t fly _too_ much over his head after all. Good to know it at least made him _hope_ , even if, adorable, _dense_ thing he is, it’s a miracle he manages to tread water, he thinks it’s a _friendship gift_. “But then you were going, and when we sent you off at the airport you were taking so long with hugging _Haru_ …”

“I was telling him that I would tear him apart if he ever hurt you, _of course_ I was gonna take long.” I say, rolling my eyes, but not being able to put any bite to the action ‘cuz the man I like apparently likes me back and _is this even supposed to be the life I am living, how is this even real?_ “So…does this mean…?”

“That I, um, feel the exact same way? Yes, well. I like you, Rin.” Makoto half-mumbles, looking at somewhere behind me, as his cheeks gain a flush as red as my hair. “Um. A lot, actually.”

“I like you a lot too, Makoto.” I hear myself saying.

I can see the all-out smile Makoto flashes at me as I say that, and as for what happens next – it’s really an out-of-body experience. It feels as if I can jump out of this couch cushion right now and end up floating through the clouds. That’s how weightless I feel – with those words out in the open, with his lips warm against mine, I feel as if I’m not being swallowed up by anything, which is something I haven’t felt in a long time.

God, I’m really _such_ a sap.

Please don’t tell Ai, he still thinks I’m the cool flawless _senpai_ after all.

“Hope _that_ was obvious enough for you, Makoto,” I say, grinning smugly as we break away, cradling his face in my hands ‘cuz I still can’t get over how he wanted the exact same things I’ve wanted, and we were so stupid not to notice. How could he not have seen how far I’ve gone? How could I not have seen how he’d felt? We’re impossible.

“Honestly, I can’t say I’m convinced enough, Rin…” Makoto says, idly, and I almost believe him but then he takes my face in his hands as well, and the smile on his face twists that _playful_ twist again as he says his next words. “Maybe you could convince me again?”

I chuckle, once, because if I pay too much attention to exactly how much I _enjoy_ hearing that voice go into those levels I just might scare Makoto away by announcing how much and how long I’ve always wanted to do unspeakable things to him, and that is not a good way to start off a relationship, I think. “Maybe I could. Any ideas how I could?”

“Well…” Makoto says, his smile soft again as he nuzzles his nose against mine, “That last thing you did looks like it’ll be _very_ effective…”

“Your wish is my command,” I hear myself saying, and just as we’re about to engage once more –

The _doorbell_.

Of course.

Makoto draws away from me as if he were burned, and even if I _do_ get his urgency – we _are_ in the middle of his parent’s living room, after all – some petty part of me still can’t help but feel _hurt_.

“Oh, sorry, Rin, wow, it’s not that, really.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s not that I don’t want to be seen with you, it’s just that. Um.” Makoto’s cheeks are so _fluorescently_ red by now that I think JAXA could use ‘em to beam messages to space aliens. “I _really_ have to go to the bathroom. Sorry, but can you –?”

“Yeah, sure, go ahead.” I say, carding a hand through my hair in an attempt to make it look less messy – thank heavens that ‘ _windswept_ ’ is my default look – and not giving much attention to the fact that Makoto’s running to the bathroom in terrifying haste. Hey, maybe he just drank too much orange juice? I can ask him about that later, there’s no rush.

I find myself smiling at the thought. There won’t ever be any rush, ‘cuz for what it’s worth we’re together now. _Guess that silly shark worked after all_ , I think, picking it up from the couch and embracing it tightly, a stupid dumb smile on my face that I’m glad no one’s here to see –

That doorbell _again_.

Oh, right, visitors, I think, grudgingly setting down the shark plush toy – that smells more like Makoto than I ever imagined it would – to walk across the living room, get to the foyer.

As I get the door, I am greeted with one word and one word only:

“ _Dowry_ ,” Haru says, his open palm raised up and his dumb blue eyes shining with sheer shit-eating _delight_. Rei at least has the nerve to be embarrassed at this stunt they’re pulling, but right beside him, Nagisa’s got the on-steroids version of Haru’s smug smirk on.

 _Damn it, why am I even friends with these people_ , I find myself thinking, but, what the hell, I’m smiling as I let them in anyway.

 .

 .

  _ **fin.**_

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: The chapter titles were based on the actual episode titling system used in Cardcaptor Sakura – which is basically almost always some variation of “Sakura and…” 「さくらと…」The main title of the fic, on the other hand, is titled after the episode titling system for the episode titles with two characters’ names in it – for example, “Sakura, Tomoyo and the…”「さくらと知世と…」
> 
> Sorry for the skipping around I did with Chapter 3, btw! I just had…a hard time putting those scenes together, but I did know they had to be pieced together that way. I hope I made sense, urgh. Anyway, the arc words - _If the person I love is happy...that’s all I need to be happy._ – are from episode 50, _Sakura, Syaoran, and the Invisible Threads_. Gou’s words about putting feelings into words are paraphrased from something in episode 59, _Sakura, Tomoyo, and the Ball Trap_.
> 
>  ~~There was supposed to be a modern-day epilogue where they bond over sappy animes and drama and talk about feelings and stuff, but until then…yeah, this is all for now, so I hope you’re fine with it, guys.~~ I finally wrote this epilogue!! I hope you like it~
> 
> Also: did you spot the little references to the fics of the two people I wrote this fic in tribute to? Hee hee. Thanks for being so motivating, brewcha, sabastruck! I hope you liked this thing I did.
> 
> This fic is actually one big pop culture reference – some kind of roundabout love letter to Cardcaptor Sakura, my first anime fandom, for starters – but I had fun writing it, and hope you guys liked reading it, as well!


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